?

Log in

Your'e the closest to heaven that I'll ever be [entries|friends|calendar]
ben

you are ben lover#
Log IN!

THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME...

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(3 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

[16 Jul 2005|02:39am]
cranberrys sitting on apple trees
repent respend reverse dodge neon
3 on free on.

tan bucks says canned cammaple


spim spim spim.

^^^^^^^^^^^for robby^^^^^^


cant can cant can

rap ramps tan
rap ramps tan

i dent i dent

beter reCEPTION!

^^^^^^^^for robby^^^^^^

(13 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

[18 Aug 2004|11:40pm]
[ mood | artistic ]


comment to be added. check below why i made my journal friends only. <3

(11 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

FRIENDS onlAY! [17 Aug 2004|11:39pm]
sorry to be mean but it was nessecary because of all of the random anonymouse jerks that love to leave me hatefull comments. and if you are reading this thinking that YOU were the one that made me do this then you are wrong. because there was about 10 different anonymous people reading it and commenting it. and im sick of it because they dont post their name. post a comment to be added.

or call me for faster access 820-1598

<3

(1 more day on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

FRIENDS ONLY [17 Aug 2004|11:37pm]
FRiends only n00b!

(7 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

dream. [16 Aug 2004|10:12am]
i had the weirdest dream last night. i was driving a little sports car going 200 miles per hour. emily was sitting on the passengers side and there was my second grade best friend sitting in the back seat. such random people. then all of the sudden i decided to see how far i could get to the edge of this huge cliff while going 200 mph. so i was riding along side it and the car decided to go off the cliff. while in mid air emily took off her seat belt and was like "fuck you". and she jumped out of the car while in mid air. but when the car landed we were fine and emily was just sitting there. everyone was sooo mad at me when i got to school because emily had fallen out and what not. and i just wanted to kill myself i felt so bad. hahahha it was the weirdest dream ever. like seriously i dont even know where it came from. usually dreams come from like something that is conflicting in your life but driving off a cliff with the most random people ISNT one of them. like seriously wtf? maybe it doesnt sound weird but for me it was. hahaha i was so scurd.

so anyways i cant belive i forgot my film at home. im such a dumbass and i hate myself. i was waiting all weekend to make the pictures and I LEft them at home! damnittititititit. and my mom was being mean and wouldnt let me go get them. stupid. i left my house at 7:10 this morning therfor meaning i was super late. but it rained so i had fun driving in the rain blasting music. yay. i dont care what anyone says i love rain. its so inspiring.

last night was the family party. it was ok. i found out that i think my cousin is a gay. like seriously gay. the is so weird. but he is odd enough that it is possible. i mean you do learn at an early stage right? hahhaha but i was so tired yesterday that everything just seemed to drag onnnn soooo long.

or maybe its just because amanda is gone :( :( :( :(

(4 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

[15 Aug 2004|08:36pm]
fug im such a dumbass i dont have the requirments on my comp to play this game. maybe once in awhile i should look at it and see if my computer has it. damn you ben.

today was work, and golf after. it was fun golfing and i was doing really good. but i am so tired i think i might just pass out right here.

i dont really feel like going to school tommorow. oh shit i have homework! oh well. friday i had this big ol attitude like im not gonna be lazy this year! and now im like meh lets go have a pop tart. lol.

i seriously am like drying without amanda. i dont have really anyone to call every night. its sad seeing how much i depend sometimes.. like its cool because i like her and all. but like right now im just waiting for her to get back. and it is making the days go by SOOOOOOOOO SLOW. and its starting to piss me off. :/

(16 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

lets try, this time. [14 Aug 2004|01:08am]
[ mood | lonely ]

i wish i could just hold you until the sun rises.
i wish.










i miss amazing amanda
<3

(6 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

rain+rocks=pointless trafic [13 Aug 2004|08:32pm]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

today was so fun. it rained so hard that there were several traffic backups because the road had been occupied by tons of water and rocks.

if you have a small car just get the hell out of the way. dont just sit in the middle of the road waiting to get hit. pull off and let the trucks go through.

they wernt even that bad either i went through each ones and even where the huge old dodge rams were scared to go.

one time by my house, there was a major back up. i thought someone had gotten hurt or a car was stuck. so i got in the wrong lane passed all the cars and went to see for myself.

and do you know what was there? NOTHING. absolutley nOTHING! just running water! so there were people standing around looking at the damn thing.
and i rolled down my window and was like what are you guys waiting for?

and as i predicted he said "i dont know.." you are watching a river run through a fucking road and you are just standing around? run through the bitch! so i did that indeed. and everyone kinda just looked at me as i was blasting my music. it was soo much fun showing up those huge ol trucks. i was like WHAT BIATCH I DONT GIVE A SHIT I WILL DRIVE THROUGH THE OCEAN!. hahah

when i got home i decided to go out again and again and again. i found myself in so many cituations where people were just sitting in their cars waiting for something to happen. WHAT the fuck are you waiting for??? for the wash to run down??? oh ok that wont happen for another 5 hours and that would require the sun to come out and the rain to stop.

if you are gonna go outside your house then you should be able to backtrack morons. oh nooo i have to go to work though WELL THEN GO THROUGH IT.

at times like these im glad i have my truck, tex. we had a great time today.

now for the ranting part 2. WORK.
so let me fill you in on why i had to work instead of golf. mr bill taylor thought it was a good idea for me to come in and wash both the cart barn front(which is huge) and the resturant patio!

when i got to work i look at the sky and there is this BIG HUGE FUCKING RAin cloud. and do you know what he said to me?? he said you should hurry before the rain gets here.

look buddy most rain comes with wind and that combination would completley just cancel out my job you fucking son of a bitch. but NO! he decided that he wanted to waste gallons and gallons of water and 5.15 and hour for me to do absolutley nothing.

after awhile it started pouring and it made me feel so miserable because there i was with a water power washer washing the ground while the same amount of water is coming from THE FUCKING SKY. that made me so humiliated because i looked like a complete idiot.

then after 250 cases of water was carried into the cart barn lightining decided to show up so i didnt get to golf.

i seriously hate work. sometimes i wonder if there is anything inside of them. like they make up shit that makes absolutley NO sense and the next day they will change it back to the way it was. you stupid greedy people want to please people so bad just so you can make money and drive your nice fancy cars and wear your nice outfit. well FUCK YOU!
done.

ON A *BETTER* NOTE i HAVE WORK TOMMOROW!!!!!! if it didnt make people sad i probably would have killed myself by now. hahahha.

amanda is still gone in cali and i miss her oh so much. i never realized how hard it can be not talking for a week. it may sound silly but it is hard. i heart her so much.

tonight was the first time ever that i have tryed lightning shots. they are hard with old cameras.from where i was standing they were going off from all sides so i just had to be fast. it requires much patience, and quik reflexes. now an actual thunder storm may be different. but it was incredible just thinking about it. here i am at the tallest mountain around righht under lightning and im taking pictures. i was soaking wet waiting there for 30 minute periods. when you vizulize it you might comment that i am crazy, or just plain dumb. but i obviously didnt see anything wrong with it. hahah. it was fun to try something new however.

sorry this post is so long but i have had a quite long day. goodbye my friends.

you are the blood in my veins.
you are the smell before RAIN.

<3<3<3<3<3

(12 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

F*ck you managers. [11 Aug 2004|08:48pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

so today was a peace full day..

after school i went to practice on the range and i get a phone call. and its my boss saying that he needs me to work. ANd WHY? Because JOSH honea didnt look at the schedule. LAST TIME I FUCKING checked when you have a job you should probably look when you ARE AND ARNT WORKING. that was probably the worst excuse in the world seeing as how he told me and john glaving that he was starting to work wednesdays! good fucking job dumbass! i sometimes contemplate if he really is christian. like seriously if i was god id be like hell no! get away from me!. he seriously makes everyone feel bad and he disses on everyone. and you know what he HIDES IT UP WITH??? his goody good act that he is a little christian boy with a jock ass dad. aww what a cute couple. like i dont mean to be rude but right about now I WISH HE WOUld get hit by a truck. well maybe not a truck. how bout a semi! hahhahahhahahha the point is hes a bastard and i hate him with a passion.

on a lighter note golf practice is tommorow. i hope that goes well. i cant wait for FRIDAY FUCK FEST!!! yayyyy! i miss FFF soo much. for all of you who dont know what FFF is, it is a group of 4 guys who all have a big orgy in the ocean! im just kidding we just golf and dick around. ahhaha the name friday fuck fest just spices it up a bit and it is on fridays.

so im really really starting to hate work. you know how much i made today that will go into my check? 19.25$!!!!!!!!!! you know how lame that is???? i worked the shittest 4 hours in my entire life and for what? 19.25??? if those managers even tryed to put up with how much shit i had to do today they would have wet their pants and screamed for their mommys. trash was blowing everywhere the wind was so hard you literally couldnt stand up. and WE STILL got out at 8 oclock? and for what? some lousy ass 19.25? i mean money is money but not for what i put up with this night.

im am so severly angry and mad right now.

the only thing keeping me together is Just the thought of what my new photos of oregon will look like. i hope the fire works turned out good...

the voting for photo club officers is tommorow. i hope i get elected.

(12 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

this is the price you pay for loss of control. [11 Aug 2004|10:25am]
[ mood | lonely ]

well another boring day of school

my schedule is ok but i am soooo excited to make my negatives when the darkroom gets set up. like seriously i cant wait. my pictures are gonna be pure 0wnage.


so last night was the Ven Caming0 sh0w!. it was sooooo fun. even though you couldnt hear josh at all and you couldnt hear travis's guitar it was good. noah and J were pretty much just rocking out on the V0lume. but all of them fucking rock. maybe they arnt as good as other bands who gives a shit? they got more class. they got more on stage sexyness. like jason jumping off noahs drums and travis's wailing around. and josh just being josh. and noah like rocking so hard but still being able to keep a straight military face. i wish he didnt have to go to the navy. like seriously im gonna miss him. hes really cool. im glad its only 7 months.

so. amanda is going out of town for a week. damnit. that sucks.

i drank soo many root beers last night. and the old cowboys and cowgirls that were noahs relatives i think were making fun of me. even though i showed up everyone at pool. what now biatch!?

ok so im done. and it is friggin hott in sawyers class. god damn.

im running for photo president this year so VOTE FOR ME or else bryan mahak will own. i really want to be president because these younglings need to know whats up. and i want to make goals for photo club. not just be a class. so please vote for me. and it will also look good on my application for colleges! so please! ive already been photo editor for 2 years in journalism and i want to be for photo class too.

ive already made up my mind kinda.... i really want to go to the art college of portland. like seriously i absolutley love that city. but things change. the art institute of pheonix sends me these applications every week. im not even kiding too every week. they must want me or something. well too bad i hate pheonix! whenever i go there i just countdown the seconds till i get out of it. it is so crowded and its gas prices and all prices are RIDiculous!

that is all for now. stephanie call me when you are bowling with the format. bye!

(8 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

mmm [09 Aug 2004|12:18am]
wow i am a new member of the tucson journal and i have already posted on entry and had about 100 comments. these people are really nice! i talked to a gay chef. that was odd but he was nice. he was like 40 to 50 years old and he ::winked:: at me when he signed off but he said he wasnt a perv so i hope he wasnt. ahhahahahahahaha.

then i talked to some random boys. they were all nice. then a random girl. she was cool because she was a big fan of brand new like me.

that is all. im going to the high school tommorow at 8. then to work at 12. ehkk.

night!

(2 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

we were meant to be [08 Aug 2004|09:16pm]
[ mood | okay ]

well today was kinda ok.

amanda didnt want to hang out because she didnt feel good and was going to spend the night at beckys. so what do i do? i bring her flowers and a big thing of orange gatorade(she drinks it when shes sick). and we went to ace hardware so she could duplicate a key. but i only got to see her for like 20 min :( :(

i went shopping for school clothes afterwards. it was ok. i got 3 pairs of pants. they all are really dark colors that is sort of unusual for me. they arnt completley black but they are like dark blue. weird. some brown its hard to describe. im happy though. i got about 4 shirts too. one matix, one emerica, one nice long sleeve shirt, and an awesome volcom shirt. so im pretty happy with what i picked. i also bought myself a new "LIL B" hat so im pretty stoked. although it is all funky i hafta wear it in.

im hating work even more than now. i really wish i worked somewhere fun. like gameworks or someplace in the mall or something.
i guess maybe i should call aly to see if i could possibly work there. thatd be cool. then on friday nights i could listen to shitty local bands!!!!!!!! YAY! hahhaha well not all of them are shitty.

im so scurd of school starting. i hope i have some familiar faces in my classes. not some dumbasses. im scared of first hour because a whole bunch of juniors will be in it. im in it because i was taking human anatomy classes my whole high school so i wanted to take chemistry. amanda is in my first hour. that will be fun. but i dont want to look like a junior! i passed all of my classes i swear i didnt fail! if i dont like it i can also simply leave. since i dont really need it. i just want it!

i went to the skatepark tonight. of course i had to be the odd one and wear a stinkin long sleeve shirt. aghhh. oh well it wasnt that hott.

i cant wait to see ven camingo and 5 am together on tuesday. it will be so gnarly.

(3 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

sigh [08 Aug 2004|10:50am]
i wish
you would hang out with me
today


i guess i will have to keep waiting.

:(

(the low fuel lights been on for days)

[07 Aug 2004|11:38am]
fuck you fear.
gobble up your own deadly ways and flee in your own fear.
im not going to let you defeat me.
any more.

(the low fuel lights been on for days)

[07 Aug 2004|06:50am]
i havnt got one ounce of sleep since like 24 hours ago. i just like couldnt go to sleep last night. i was thinking of so many things. mostly the future. and the scary thing was that i couldnt control it. i tried to ignore it but i kept thinking....thinking... where will we be in 1 or 2 years?

id like to know.

(5 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

gameworks! [07 Aug 2004|12:03am]
so i went to gameworks tonight. it was pretty fun. i forgot that it was fun. i saw miss fernanda and miss aly. im so excited to see their new house. i havnt seen them in awhile. the bands there kinda sucked but oh well. i was trying to hook shannon up with this brace face emo kid but shannon was being to much of a wussy to do anything. what a llama. so boy shopping for her didnt go to well but hopefully it will next time. it was fun though cause ive drank about 9 red bulls tonight. that was the fun part.

so before that i wennt allll the way out to rita ranch skatepark. i brought shawn, nick, and brandon with me. it was pretty fun except for the friggin skooters. i hate skooters.

who tnhinks i should join the golf team? i dont know i dont really want to because i hate josh honea and his gay friends. but i will probably just chill with jason and travis hopefully. maybe tommy. i dont know. i also HATE getting physicals. like seriously i fucking hate it. if they ask me tommorow to drop my pants i am walking out. why am i getting a physical at 8 oclock in the morning? omg.

i really want to get a job at gameworks. because i am starting to HATE my job.

(9 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

[06 Aug 2004|12:47pm]
[ mood | tired ]

so this i finally got my schedule.

1st- cp chemistry 1-2 with mr dozier
2nd- us/az govt and politics 1-2 with mr. johnson
3rd- photo 3-4 advanced block with MR SAWYER
4th- photo 3-4 advanced block with MR SAWYER
5th- cp Honers pre calc 1-2 with mr tanburg.
6th- journalism with mrs. zello.

this will be an interesting year. because i have two periods of photo, i couldnt get some honors classes. but photo is more important to me. at first i didnt want to take another year with zello because she bitches too much but the amount of kids that are in journalism is quikly declining. so i decided i would stay. i mean even our editor left. oh well.

does anyone have any classes with me?

(5 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

.... [05 Aug 2004|11:43pm]
so i just saw a special hour on mtv about the uses of aderall on teens. i dont know if i told any of you that i have taken aderall xr for 1 and a half years. it has helped me with my school work allot. but i dont think i have ever considered it to be a danger to my health. it is supposed to decrease eating habits and hunger. and that has been happening. i dont abuse it i take it regularly. but i have lost allot of weight this year. it can cause heart attack and chemical infaltration to some organs that cant handle it that could result in death. i dont fear death so much so i guess it doesnt affect me as much. but its true. teens in 2004 are using aderall as if it were speed because it acts like it. aderall is nothing though. there is nothing in it that you dont already have inside yourself. its just a stimulator. so if you do ever come with that choice wether or not to take it, dont take it for the wrong reason. its just plain fucking stupid. i dont take it in the summers at all because i dont want to get addicted. on the days that i didnt take it during school i could feel myself becoming so tired because i was dependant on it. maybe this year i should try it without aderall. well there is a part of me probably no one knew about me. now goodnight all.

rita ranch tommorow and guy shopping tommorow for young shannon.

(4 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

on the verge of destruction. [05 Aug 2004|03:44pm]
ive had one of the worst / best days of my life. amanda came over. some bad things happened and were said. and in the end they were cured. i dont give a fucking shit what anyone says. im not crazy. im just happily in love.

(4 more days on the verge of tears....the low fuel lights been on for days)

another hard day at the office. [03 Aug 2004|10:36pm]
so i got up today fearing my day was going to be totally boring. it was ok. i sat around till about 2:30. then i remembered i was supposed to play golf. so i did. it was fun. i just realized that the only fun i have in my life is OUTSIDE of my house. unless amanda comes over. so thats why i like to go out. so we played golf and they got scurd of lightning so we left. but was i smart and left? NO! i still hit some balls on the range. lil b is a dumbass. heh. and so i sat there in the pouring rain for about an hour. man playing golf in the rain is fun. everything in the rain is fun. except playing chess. wait hold up that is fun in the rain. my bad.drying my hair in the rain can be a pain in the ass however. so then i went back home. i had 2 bean borritos. that was ok. then i sat around till about 7 and i went to bedrizzzzle. i played in the tournament. i didnt go very far though. so i had a good time there. *note* shannon if you even try for that pretty boy dumbass im gonna hafta kick your ass.* but anyways. i saw some friends had allot of laughs. spach is stupid. and most of them were high. haha... seriously no one likes me. not even my dog. :(

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]